Words by Simon Johnson, Julie Figueira, Megan Gaffney, Matt Gens, Josh Gruenspecht, Adam Kinon, Jason Meyer, Steve Quinlan, Matt Shinners, and Kees Vandenberg
Based on “Runaround Sue” by Ernie Maresca and Dion DiMucci
Here’s my story, it’s sad but true
I’m a judge that’s nearly through
I’ll hang my robe and say goodbye
Even I’m waiting for me to die . . .
Lack of compassion, yeah, I made it an art
My man-titties hide a robot heart
I hate the planet, and, for what it’s worth
Life is sacred ’til the moment of birth
New Hampshire’s where I go to live the sweet life
I’m worth a-million but I don’t have a wife
So if you’re single and a-feeling it too
I’d like you under my judicial review
Don’t go and spread this around, yeah
Sometimes I’m naked under my gown
And even though I don’t ever speak
I can, be a-quite the freak!
Scalia can be stubborn but I get him to budge
I use a little logic and a mountain of fudge
People know that I’m a fan of K-Y
And the other 49 — I’m a states-rights guy!
[Chief Justice Roberts]
Chief Justice has been a blast, yeah
It happened oh so awfully fast
And just to make the rumors stop:
I slept my way to the top
Everytime I look at the rest, yeah
I think judicial sausage best
I love the Court but one thing I’d fix
We’ve got way too many dicks!
I’m fine with farts and frisbees in the ambient air
My face is held together by the bun in my hair
We may disagree, but we’re still friends
My favorite underwear brand is Depends!